Couric Behind the Scenes: The Irony is So Thick, You Might Mistake It for Sputum

Found this little ditty online just moments ago and had to post it. This segment is rife with irony -- if you can bear to watch the whole thing, you'll see what I'm saying. Katie Couric, broadcasting CBS Evening News recently from Nashville, has some behind the scenes fun with her production crew, at the expense of her predecessor Dan Rather. While prepping for the broadcast, Couric makes fun of Rather's one-time trench coat primping, a moment that apparently made its way to the same Harry Shearer page on the MyDamnChannel website. "This tart is ready to go," she jokes, after futzing around with her overcoat, asking colleagues whether she should keep the collar up or down, the jacket opened or closed and then asks, "Don't you think he deserves a little payback?"

The annoyances abound throughout. She calls her cameraman "bro". She ribs her executive producer for leaving the office after the first segment. She still thinks Uggs are fashionable. And the subtle hilarity begins halfway through the clip, where the news anchor begins to seriously mess around with the button of her jacket, effectively rendering her Rather-ribbing ironic. Perhaps the big takeaway from this is that someone, either in the field or back in the West 57th Street control room in NYC, found this good enough to send around virally to send a message to the newswoman.

To be clear, this sort of banter is not unusual pre-broadcast, and is really no one's business but the news staffers... until you step close to the line of dissing public figures. Rather obviously has a couple friends remaining within CBS Evening News, and Couric, it seems, has some enemies. Why else would we see this on the web?

The Perfectly Slender Pulchritude of Senator Barack Obama

On the heels another cloyingly annoying CNN debate featuring Democratic presidential hopefuls -- where Wolf Blitzer cut off candidate responses more often than he asked relevant questions; where John Roberts threw around enough empty media-spawned phraseology it looked like he belonged on the editorial staff of a celebrity weekly; where Campbell Brown offered up an image of every American parent "riffling through their kid's toy boxes" in an effort to weed out lead-infused, Chinese-made Dora the Explorer dolls; where it was more campaign bukkake all over Senator Hillary Clinton -- The New York Times today has released an interactive guide that showcases "the gifts and deficits" of candidates of both parties.

The guide, titled "Candidates in a Box: Tabular Estimate of the 2008 Presidential Hopefuls", is based on an 1823 article from a British publication known as The Monthly Magazine, where an anonymous journalist rated members of the House of Commons. For this 21st Century Americanized version, Times columnist David Brooks and author Ben Schott break down each candidate's intellectual capacity, external appearance, and effect, and provide an assessment of each person's temperament and character. Some highlights:

Barack Obama: His "considerable" resources and "promising" judgement may be done in by his "overly complex" logic. Yet, his "comforting" voice and "literary" language seem just right for his "perfectly slender" pulchritude. Alas, his temperament is "grumpy when tired", and his character is one that is "afraid of conflict".

Fred Thompson: "God-like" voice, "surprisingly dull" language, "mountainous" pulchritude. A "man's man" of "nebulous" character.

Rudy Giuliani: "Pattonesque" judgement, with "street-corneresque" language and a "smug" demeanor, this "steely" character has a "strong but disturbing" temperament.

Hillary Clinton: The Senator's "Pant-suited" pulchritude and "business-like" demeanor have an "every knee must bow" effect on the American populace. Her "shrewd" logic, "great" resources and "cheery but untrusting" temperament amount to a "hidden" character.

John Edwards: A "cute" and "ambitious" "golden boy".

Dennis Kucinich: This "miniscule" "know-it-all" is "charmingly marginal". (Yeah, but everyone wants to nail his wife).

Mitt Romney: This "mannequin" possesses "malleable" logic and a "Leave it to Beaver" language.

Natalie Portman Will Kick Your Ass (While You Suck It)

This SNL Digital Short from a couple of years ago is as good as Dick in a Box or Lazy Sunday. It rounds out a nice litte troika of classic SNL moments that are as good as anything the show has ever come up with since 1975, which, I'm listing here, in no particular order (and likely without official titles):
--Anything Blues Brothers
--Belushi's Samuri
--The Billy Goat Tavern sketches
--Landshark
--Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood
--Shmitty's Gay Beer Commercial
--"You'll be living in a van down by the river!"
--Ebony & Ivory (Murphy & Piscopo as Wonder & McCartney)
--"Buckwheat Is Dead", plus anything Buckwheat
--Fuck it, any sketch Eddie Murphy was ever in
--McLaughlin Group sketch w/ Billy Idol (Sting), Sinead O'Connor, Steve Lawrence/Edie Gorme...
--Debbie Downer
--"It's pronounced, "Az-weep-ay"
--"Jane, you ignorant slut"
--Chevy Chase & Richard Pryor doing word association
--Dan Akroyd as Nixon, Chevy Chase as a bumbling Gerald Ford
--"Too Hot in the Hottub"
Christ, the list could go on forever...

Should I Bite My Tongue Re: Tyra Banks?

"You need to learn to pick your spots." That's what one of my older brothers used to tell me when I was growing up. I was cultivating my bullshit meter back then, and I'd always be speaking out, speaking up, and calling motherfuckers on the carpet for being liars, fakers, dickheads, poseurs, what have you. This, when I was 16. Flash forward a generation, and here I am, taking heed of those wise words for the sake of this blog that maybe one person might happen upon accidentally while clicking the "Next Blog" tab -- you probably stopped here because it isn't written in Portugese, and I'm not trying to sell you cock extension pills or nasty slut webcam dates. But I digress.

I have an issue with Tyra Banks and it pains me, because I used to love her. She, to me, embodied all that was excellent about the Victoria Secret catalogue. She, to me, made the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue legendary (yeah, Kathy Ireland made it so as well, but Tyra took it to heights unseen). When I moved to NYC nine years ago, I had only two real goals in mind: live in a loft in Tribeca... and date Tyra Banks. Neither has come to fruition, but I only feel like half a failure, because, damnit, that Tyra Banks is one of the worst case scenarios littering the wasteland that is American popular culture.

So I threw that out there, and you're probably wondering what I mean by that -- the idea of Tyra being a worst case scenario. And therein lies the dilemma. Should I run with this? Lambaste the Bizanks six ways til Sunday and call her out for the hacktacular mess that she is? Would it be a case of 'airing dirty laundry'? Is there a way to deconstruct Tyra Banks, the brand, without thrashing Tyra Banks, the woman? Would it ruin my chances of ever getting in her pants?

...to be continued... (wish i could write that in the Heroes font).

Yahoo! Movies Debuts Valkyrie Trailer

I just watched the exclusive trailer for next summer's Tom Cruise vehicle Valkyrie, the much hyped, semi-controversial (in that the Germans initially balked at his filming in the country on account of his religion) film about the Nazi who said "fuck it" and sought to bring down Hitler.

The film looks pretty good, but it has one glaring bad spot: Tom Cruise sounds more like Lt. Daniel Kaffee than Col. Claus von Stauffenberg. He plays the German guy with an American accent. I'm all about suspending disbelief once I enter a movie theatre (e.g., I squelched my vomitus during Transformers when the old, 70s-era Camaro inexplicably morphed into the new fangled '07 muscle Camaro), but I expect a little more from Cruise. The guy gets paid like a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but can't find the time to perfect a credible German accent? You'd think the Celebrity Centre might hire a dialect coach and send him or her off to Deutschland for the duration of the shoot. I mean, what gives? I'm hoping that they might have overdubbed his voice in his normal accent for the sake of the trailers and the movie will actually have him speaking like he's a German. If this is how he actually will speak throughout the film, his performance will be an afterthought come awards season. (Now watch him win a Globe and pick up a Best Actor nod).