blogs are meant for moments like this

that tie is f*cking huge. huge and pink. and done up all windsor n shit. hell, that's uber-windsor. who wears this? this tie with the freaking giga-knot? ryan seacrest. subbing for larry king on last night's larry king live. talking with nicole ritchie, who looks positively skeletal. there's an awful lot that's troubling about ryan seacrest filling in for larry king. king has had his share of critics, who insist he's the master of the softball question ("so, charlie manson. what's it like, really, living in prison while enjoying iconic status amongst the tweakers and the heroin addicted trustafarians in williamsburg? you're on t-shirts, you're on coffee mugs. you're a franchise, my friend!"). i like to think of king as captain obvious, one likely to spurt out endless "no duh!" lines in his USA Today column: "That Angelina Jolie. Have you seen those lips? And how about that George Clooney? He's one handsome man!"

but i digress. what's troubling is that a simple bastard like seacrest is given such a high-profile gig with which to display his tragic mediocrity. he'll obviously handle the fluff and bullshit -- nicole ritchie is about as newsworthy as the peanut shards ensconsed in the bowel movement i just dropped an hour ago. and upon viewing a touch of the interview on CNN.com (free video, you know), i couldn't help but notice seacrest's cadence and mannerisms are borderline lauer-esque. there's the upper body lean-in; the slightly raised eyebrow to demonstrate his 'genuine' curiousity; the open-faced hand punctuating the real serious questions ("now, nicole. are you using? no? okay. ...are you holding?"); as he fishes around for just the right way to pose a question to this 78-lb mass of skin, bones, narcotics, and bile, he may pause a bit to reflect, you can see the ambition in his eyes. but he's just impersonating a host and a journalist. he wears a suit well, and his foppish hair and aura of homosex give him that smidgen of edginess that's necessary to keep the boys on the editorial staff of People magazine chatting. but i guess when it comes right down to it, larry king -- johnny softball; captain obvious -- doesn't want someone with any semblance of heft or gravitas filling in for him, because it would make it crystal clear to viewers that larry king, despite his tens and thousands of hours of interviewing the planet's movers and shakers, is a bit of a lightweight.

"ramble on. now's the time/the time is now. sing my song..."